In keeping with the theme of loooove set by my esteemed colleague Agent T’s last article, I thought I’d take the time to talk a little about holiday romance. You’d be amazed how different dating (or more *ahem* casual relationships) can be in different countries. Fo’ serious. If you don’t know the local etiquette, dating in a foreign country can be like rocking up to a tennis match with full grid iron padding and AN AXE or something and wondering why everyone’s looking at you funny.
For the young, whimsical lovers of wordpress.com we here at the Teapot Army have faced the dangers of the international dating scene and compiled some experiences of our own and that of our more well-travelled friends to educate our readers on dating decorum and flirting faux pas to look out for when traversing the globe.
So if you’re lookin’ for some lovin’ on your journey, here’s what to expect:
America: Americans are loud and full of themselves but have that dashing kind of charm you can’t get anywhere else in the world. American dating is all about the coffee. “Hey, do you want to get coffee sometime?” “Do you what to come up for a cup of coffee?” Seriously, what the fuck. It’s like having sex is so taboo here you need to use code words in case someone else is listening in. It’s little wonder the rest of the world (read: Europe lol) seems promiscuous in comparison when in the US you’re expected to have a pretence just for going out with someone, let alone getting them in the sack. Also, I once got hit on by my cousin in Texas. I wish I was kidding.
Cambodia: See that gorgeous girl at the bar with the come-hither look who wants you to buy her a drink? Yeah, let me vouch right now for the fact that once you sit down beside her, she’s gotten you wasted and offered to sell you a bag of weed which looks like it’s been mixed with dirt for the meagre price of hard US currency, your expensive camera and your passport, she somehow doesn’t seem so attractive. Especially when you find the next morning that you needed those things to, you know, live. Awesome place, but suffice to say if you’re going out at night it might be best to take some buddies with you. Having a wingman looking out for your best interests is never going to be a bad thing.
Canada: Snow + blankets + someone warm to snuggle up to? I’ll let you be the judge of that, eh?
France: These guys aren’t shy. If you’re female and aren’t a leper you’re pretty much prime meat for 30–40 year old men looking to woo almost anything that moves. Guys will bend over backwards for the chance to enjoy the company of a pretty girl, so if you’re wearing a skirt and looking for a good time (or a free meal), the City of Love is the place for you. If you’re likely to be taken aback by gleeful invasions of your personal space by creepy old men, however, I should warn you that it’s entirely possible you’ll have to pry a few hopefuls off your face in the middle of the street. Be prepared for intimate relations with strangers who’ll wine and dine you then take you back to their place for fondue with three cheeses and wild passionate sex. Unnerving though it can be if you’re more on the conservative side, it’s all good-natured and if you’re not looking to “go all the way” you’ll generally get nothing more than a rueful grin and an “I’ll come back tomorrow night then!” from your consort when you wish them goodnight (at which point I advise you to lie about which hotel you’re staying in).
India: If you’ve ever seen a Bollywood movie you’ll know that PDA’s (that is, Public Displays of Affection) are off limits. Looking to make out on a street corner, a park bench or in the back of the bar? You’d better hope there’s both a celebrant and a doctor nearby, because you’ll need the former before you do so, and the latter for afterwards. While this may seem bizarre to your average Frenchman, it’s actually a great place to have good, innocent, flirtatious fun.
Norway: One word: moonshine. It’s the stuff of VIKINGS. I swear to god they drink it mixed with the strongest, bitterest coffee you’ve ever tasted mixed at like a 50/50 ratio, so by the time you’ve finished a good few of these you’re willing to go home with the first sexily-accented member of the appropriate gender you lay eyes upon.
And that’s just six to start you off; there are a whooole lot more countries out there just waiting for you to sleep ar- I mean visit and share in their culture. Watch your step, because in this big new world of international / internet-connected / global village bullshit dating, you never know what you’ll put your foot into without realising.
