So I don’t know how many of you get your musical suggestions. Some people get theirs from friends, others by following such programs as Pandora or the suggestion box of Amazon.com, others just take a wild stab in the dark and buy (or download, let’s be honest here) whatever strikes their fancy. As for me, I usually stick with the things I’ve been listening to for awhile or overhear in a friend’s car or something similar. But one thing I’ve also tried out a few times is by asking random people on the internet.
Now this always meets with the most random results you’ll ever see, which makes it all the more fun for me. Sure you get a lot of shit in the process, from the guy who will admit he doesn’t like a band because “it’s not emo enough” to the guy who suggests a CD about the delicacies of devouring babies in the elegant usage of screams, grunts and death squeals. But you also come across bands you’d never even think of checking out otherwise.
Now I’m sure those of you who follow the Metal scene probably have already heard about this, but for those of you who like me, appreciate Metal but don’t track its movements like a hobo following a drunken tourist, you may be just as shocked as me.
Pirate. Metal.
That’s right, guys, pirate-motherfucking-metal. Let’s be honest and cynical as hell, because as people of the internet we can allow ourselves that. Now, Pirate Metal, allowing ourselves to our honest cynicism, sounds like the stupidest idea ever. But the reality, my friends? It’s like getting really stoned, watching Pirates of the Caribbean, only Johnny Depp also has a really bitching guitar. One person I know referred to it as “badass, but hilariously so” and jesus-tapdancing-christ that’s the perfect way to describe it.
Now while I haven’t fully immersed myself in this rather amusing genre of Metal, I have managed to snag myself a copy of Captain Morgan’s Revenge by (the appropriately named) Alestorm. I’m constantly surprised by finding how much I’m really getting into it. It covers such things as a crew mutinying and being cursed by their Captain before he dies, terror on the high seas, and to more amusing topics such as a man named as the Pintmaster who fights with a flagon of ale and is undefeatable to a song called “Wenches and Meat” which, knowing me, will most likely be the thing I sing next time I’m drunk in a bar with people who are similar to me in the fact that they will remember nothing of it in the morning.
Of course, those sad pitiful bastards that like neither Pirates nor Metal will naturally not like this either. Also, while I find the genre to be amazing and hilariously badass as aforementioned, I can also see how the novelty can wear off mighty quick. Nonetheless, if you feel like a quick laugh and something that is most definitely interesting as hell to listen to, pick up a stein of your favorite beer, drink up and slip in some Alehouse. If by the second or third drink you don’t find you and your friend swaying in unison and mumbling the lyrics under your breaths, then you’re obviously nothing but a sorry landlubber.
I have to say though, this does make me wonder about other types of Metal. I’ve heard of Power Metal, Speed Metal, Prog Metal, Symphonic Metal, Death Metal and many others, yet for some reason this genre keeps on throwing sub-genre after sub-genre at me. Each one has certain similarities but also brings something new to the table and Pirate Metal is merely my most recent discovery. I think out of curiosity if nothing more, I’ll start typing random words before Metal and seeing what pops up. “Boob Metal” perhaps. Or “Super Totally Awesome Metal”. But know this, oh readers, if I don’t return to rant on another day that’s only because I’ve found the one type of Metal that by its mere name alone will make all other subgenres of Metal completely obsolete.
That’s right. Ninja Metal.
~ Guest Article written by Agent 22
