The end is near… the only thing you can do now is sit back and enjoy a hot cup of tea.

Kidding. You should still get yourself some tea, but we’re not one of those crazy groups who think the world is ending in 2012, I swear. At least not openly. Sometimes I have nightmares about it. Uhh. But anyway…

About the Teapot Army:

What we do here is very simple. Our mission statement is:

“To rally the greatest army on earth to fight evil, abolish coffee percolators and bring harmony to all the lands.” *

* Read: we don’t actually have a mission statement. And generally we enjoy coffee. But here’s a nice easy intro explaining what the name is all about as consolation.

About Our Writers:

Agent M lives on the OTHER side of the world, the less important one. Everything is fucking backwards and apparently they have winter in the middle of June and they think the world looks like this. Yeah, ok M. Agent M currently resides in a castle built with human skulls and bones – you know, the skulls of all the people the convicts killed when they were exiled to that god-forsaken (yet conveniently utopian) island. That’s our official HQ. M also enjoys tea.

Agent T, on the other hand, lives in the greatest country in the world, in a cave, surrounded by tall trees. In the mountains. The internet flies there like a winged creature of the heavens to allow T to carry forth the divine plan of building up an army of kitchen utensils with Agent M from The Cursed Island, guided by the teachings of the One True God. Enjoys tea as well.

We also feature Guest Writers occasionally. Guest-written articles will be published on a day of the week that is NOT Monday or Thursday, and will be a SURPRISE (like those candy surprise balls). Authors will either be credited in the article post or given a super secret awesome Agent name, and any contact we receive with regards to their piece will be forwarded on to them. If you’d like to be a guest writer, drop us a line at teapotarmy@gmail.com.

So, dear readers, we hope to see you^ every Monday and Thursday (and sometimes in between) for our updates. In the event of some bizarre emergency where you find yourself possessed with a desperate desire to reach two complete strangers on the internet RIGHT FUCKING NOW, our email is teapotarmy@gmail.com.

^ Generic “you”, put there to make you^ feel closer to us.

^ Did it again. Bam.

And finally, for the tl;dr crowd: (wtf are all these WORDS doing on my INTERNET) all of that basically just said we’re full of shit. Enjoy your stay.