A couple of days ago 20th Century Fox finally released the trailer for their up-and-coming Max Payne movie, based on the pulp noir game franchise of the same name responsible for some of the most awesome bullet-time gameplay I can remember (come on it was sepia, okay?), the most consistent use of groan-inducing “pain” puns to date, and the occasional nightmare about dead babies.
For those of you unfamiliar, it’s basically about a disgruntled New York cop who lives in a perpetual John Woo movie and goes around angrily killing mobsters and corporate jerks because of some silly technicality like they killed his family or something.
I kind of feel sorry for people seeing this who haven’t played the games, though – here’s the synopsis from the movie’s official site:
Based on the legendary, hard-hitting interactive video game, MAX PAYNE tells the story of a maverick cop determined to track down those responsible for the brutal murder of his family and partner. Hell-bent on revenge, his obsessive investigation takes him on a nightmare journey into a dark underworld. As the mystery deepens, Max (Mark Wahlberg) is forced to battle enemies beyond the natural world and face an unthinkable betrayal.
Face an unthinkable betrayal? Oh, great, way to ruin the fucking movie for us you cockbites.
Anyway, check out the trailer:
Max Payne is played by Marky Mark Wahlberg himself, who has shown his raw talent when mixing his career with video games in the past with such raging successes as… oh, wait, no I remember now, that was a complete and utter fucking failure. Oops! But I’m sure he’ll do better this time. The gal they’ve cast as his sexier-than-thou token love interest Mona Sax is That 70’s Show’s Mila Kunis, who played that one retarded chick Jackie. So that’s good, I’m sure she’ll fit right in.
This movie is going to be AWESOME.
But I digress; back to the trailer! I can’t lie – all my well-intentioned sarcasm aside, I almost orgasmed watching this. When I first heard they were making a Max Payne movie, I giggled like a schoolgirl at the thought of two hours of SHEER UNADULTERATED HARDCORE BULLET-TIME AWESOMENESS peppered with a few awkward scenes of people silently standing around dingy hospital waiting rooms watching ridiculous soap opera romances.
All I can say is they’d damn well better work their asses off to make this live up to my unreasonably high expectations, because if there was ever a game perfect for film adaptation, it’d be Max Payne. I’m really interested to see how much of the game’s original charm they can bring to the silver screen – the comic book elements, the dark noir atmosphere, the allusions to New York’s very own ragnarok, the creepy flamingoes, and goddamnit, the soap opera too!
Either way, the trailer looks pretty awesome and I’m excited. Not entirely sure what to make of the bird / angel / enemies beyond the natural world theme they seem to have going there (are these guys high on Valkyr or what?) but whether or not it stays true to the game, I’m anticipating a good dose of entertainment.
Unfortunately, this story doesn’t end in smiles and lollipops for everyone. And why is that, you ask?
It’s because 20th Century Fox are a bunch of jerks.
According to the word on the street, many die-hard Max Payne fans are actually planning on boycotting the movie when it comes out thanks to a little project called Payne & Redemption which Fox fucked up the ass and made its bitch.
Basically, after the release of the games, a guy named Fergle Gibson (HAHAHA “Fergle”) decided it’d be fun to make a short, independent amateur film based on the Max Payne games:
Set a few years after the events of Max Payne (and before Max Payne 2), Max Payne: Payne & Redemption surrounds the psychological trauma endured by the title’s main character after having to deal with the incidents from the story within the first game.
It started off as a little bit of fun for some fans of the games, but took on a life of its own after it generated interest from professional actors and industry crew who all volunteered their personal time to work on the film – these guys seriously deserve a proper shoutout for the work they put in to this thing. Even Sam Lake, the creator of Max Payne and writer of the videos (he was actually the face of the character in the first game, too) showed his full support in saying “Payne & Redemption seems very ambitious and impressive. Good luck with your project! Looking forward to seeing it.”
And what happened then? Fox bought out all rights to the franchise then cried like little girls and specifically banned the Payne & Redemption crew from producing anything to do with Max Payne ever, because apparently multi-million dollar corporations are easily upstaged by tiny independent film projects these days.
So, go see the Max Payne movie in cinemas October 16th, but spare a thought for the little guy! Check out the Payne & Redemption blog and forums and read up on the latest gossip – I hear they’re actually continuing on in their venture like the battlers they are and re-making their entire fucking film sans Max Payne references – plus they have some hilarious anti-Fox rants telling the whole story, so you know.
Really I’m just interested to see whether unlike previous wardrobe malfunctions from the games, Max’s coattails will actually deign to conform to the laws of gravity this time.
